It was kind of cavalier of me to drop that bomb in my previous two posts, then not blog for weeks... There were the holidays (fine), then a quick show (very small role, but I got to perform with the state symphony, which was definitely worth it), then a competition last Saturday--plus I've been working more hours lately.

As for the competition: this is a famous national competition that I'd never done before. In fact, one of the reasons I didn't audition to go back to Florida is that I felt it important to sing in this. Somehow I got my hopes up that I would win something, despite the fact that they rarely choose anyone over 25. (They're morons, by the way--most of the people they choose can't cut it at that level because they're too damn young.) At least I was hoping for some useful feedback from the judges; not much of that either. In fact, one of the judges told me I had the beginnings of a wobble because of lousy breathing and that I needed to take care of it immediately if I had any desire to continue singing. Um, no, I don't have a wobble, asshole, and any vibrato problems I have (just below the passaggio, I know) are resonance issues, not breathing issues. He made me really mad. The other judges were more positive, but their criticism was stuff I'd already heard before: do more dramatically (I really need dramatic coachings--good luck in this state!), watch below the passaggio... So it seems kind of like a big-ass waste of time. I was, however, able to make at least two connections with opera companies in the state who seem eager to meet with me. And honestly, that's a lot more important in the long run than winning some competition. I think.

Anyway, as far as the previous posts: things are a bit better, but... I don't know, I just haven't felt like myself for months. Tired all the time (even when I can sleep), very moody, bored as hell at work--not to mention barely able to make it through the day blood sugar-wise (at least that's what I think it is), insane back and shoulder tension. I keep dwelling on uncomfortable things (see last post). My stomach goes nuts every time I have to sing--I can't even look at food, and have to dose myself with Imodium and Gas-X two days in advance. I'm even starting to get headaches, which I've never had a problem with before. Who knows what the hell is wrong with me now... I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks, thankfully, so I need to remember to write down everything. I don't know if it's just because of the medication (I think not), or if I need to be on anti-anxiety medication... I do research on the computer, but there's so much conflicting information out there, plus I know not to trust much of it.

And believe me, I know I don't have much to complain about. It just shouldn't be so hard for me to get through the day, you know?

In happier news, I have finally finished a sweater I've been working on for Mark--only after redoing one of the arms three times because it kept coming out eight inches too long. Turns out I was making that one correctly, and the sleeve that fit had a mistake in it. He doesn't have crazy short arms or anything--just weird. Also, I got a really good haircut the other day.