I'm currently chatting with H&R Block--I've just filed my tax return online and am set to get back just over $1,000!!! I'm very excited. I think I'll be able to go with Mark to Cape Cod for this wedding in May now. Or maybe I should just thank my lucky stars and sit on that cash like Scrooge McDuck. Minus the brogue and the spats...and I usually wear pants. :)

So here's my little commercial for H&R Block. If you go to this website, scroll down and click on "Online Tax Preparation" next to the H&R Block logo. (There's a discount associated with this website, so you can't go through H&R Block directly.) You'll get your federal return for $19.95, and your state return is free. I totally recommend it. (I would do my taxes myself if I could and save the money, but they've gotten a bit more complicated these days, what with miscellaneous unreported income and tuition credits and student loan interest credits and blah blah blah...)

So I'm in a much better mood than before. I've just been in a real dark spot lately. Overloaded with work (I've closed the library two nights in a row), feeling socially awkward, lethargic, nighttime food issues, crazy reflux... A lot of worrying, mostly. I'm worried about school, of course--I have a whole lot of work to do before next Friday morning!--and the fact that the President is an asshole who's dragging this country into a war that very few people think is a good idea, but I've also spent a lot of time thinking about those two nightclub incidents last week. Great White actually played in the next city over just two weeks ago--I heard the commercials on the radio for it. That concert in Rhode Island was something I might have attended. All those people...I'm so claustrophobic, you know, and terrified of suffocating, and I'm generally not crazy about big crowds in small spaces, either. So I keep wondering what I would have done in that situation. Granted, I wouldn't have been all that close to the stage (for the above reasons), but yeah, I probably would have headed right for the front door, perhaps to be trampled or suffocated or burned alive with those other 25 people crammed behind the door. It really scares me. I guess the only option I have is to tell myself to check out the emergency exits next time I go to a concert. Simple, right? But it doesn't stop me from being scared.

(Oh, by the way, I won't be able to go to that Tori Amos concert tomorrow--my opera midterm, which was supposed to be yesterday, has been pushed back to Friday because of school cancellations, so I will be using the extra time to study. It sucks, but I guess that's the price I'm paying for being an "adult student". If that's what I am.)

Anyway, I don't mean to depress you all. I'm just trying to take things one step at a time--and I am starting to see results.

p.s. A special shout-out to Cathy, for personal reasons. You go on, girl!!!!!!!!!!! :'D

Not much time to write, but here's The Friday Five, at least...

1. What is your most prized material possession?
My car. I never realized how important it would be. It was also the best present I've ever received, with that poem as a close second. :)

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?
My stuffed panda bear, which my great-grandmother bought for me when I was a newborn. I named him Spot in second grade, when I realized that he didn't have a name.

3. Are you a packrat?
Perhaps...but I'm getting better. I have saved every greeting card I've received since my tenth birthday, but that's more of a sentimental collection than evidence that I'm a packrat. About twice a year I give away books I don't read and clothes I don't wear, and at the end of every semester I throw away any paperwork that seems redundant or unimportant.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum?
B)--though you'd sooner prepare my apartment to a disaster area than a museum. Weeks of clean laundry slowly wrinkle on my bedroom floor. I have to shove away papers on the coffee table in order to find a coaster. And sometimes my shoes don't get put away. But it's really not bad...

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there?
The theme is, "Here's all the stuff we could fit in the pickup." I dunno...I have a lot of candles, but I don't think that's a theme. My bedroom is supposed to look celestial. I have art posters and retro liquor ads up in the dining room--that's the redneck bistro, I suppose. And I guess the living room is supposed to look vaguely Moroccan--lots of royal blue and rich colors. (Though there's not much you can do with cream walls and tan carpet.) Oh, and I have a tin Campbell's Soup sign in my kitchen. I have this thing about old advertisements, I guess.

This has been a yucky week. I've been tired a lot of the time and I get lightheaded at night. I'm just feeling pissy with the world... My workload probably has something to do with it--all the stuff I've been giving the once-over-lightly treatment all semester is starting to clamor for my attention, all at the same time. Whoopee. And I'm not at the danger point yet, but I'm beginning to see that with a few missteps and delays I could be, soon. But I'm still not giving up my Saturdays, damn it! I'm on my way to Raleigh in like, five minutes. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Not much going on here--fighting some serious ennui, though. The snowstorm most of you are currently digging out of hit us on Sunday--sleet and freezing rain. I almost skidded out on the highway--and saw almost a dozen other vehicles that had. That was unpleasant. Yesterday I stayed in my nightgown all day and watched The Proud Family all afternoon.

Mark wrote me a poem for Valentine's Day! I cried. It was so amazingly sweet. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I wanted him to write me a poem (I got the idea from The Bachelorette, where one of the men writes Trista totally goofy, high-school poetry--I figured Mark's would be better, since he's a writer and all), but I wasn't fishing for it or expecting it on any special occasion... So I was very pleasantly surprised. I got him some T-shirts and Homer Simpson boxers--not so romantic. And I made us chicken curry and carrot-raisin salad for dinner--very good. No play, though--we were both really tired.

Anyway, I hope things are good with everyone. Hope the babies are feeling better, Helen!!

Friday Five

1. Explain why you started to journal/blog.
It's a good way to keep in touch with my friends in other states. Plus I'm hoping some random fellow bloggers read it sometimes.

2. Do people you interact with day to day or family members know about your journal/blog? Why or why not?
Some--Mark knows about it but doesn't read it because he thinks it's "too personal". Yeah, but I tell him everything anyway, so I don't get it. People at school know I have a website, but I don't divulge its contents or my URL since someone might get offended. Nobody in my family knows about it, so far as I know...

3. Do you have a theme for your journal/blog?
Yeah, just me rambling about random shit. I guess the theme is "twenty-something New Yorker in voice program in North Carolina, who lives 80 miles from boyfriend and hundreds from her best friends and her family...includes references to intimacy issues, eating disorders, pop culture, opera, college, etc."

4. What direction would you like to have your journal/blog go in over the next year?
I would like to continue writing on a regular basis. And I'd like to develop a network of others in the "community". I guess my comments will be back up soon, which will help.

5. Pimp five of your favorite journals/blogs.
See my links. I know that doesn't add up to five, but other people are a bit more private...

I was expecting a list about Valentine's Day, you know...

Oh, how I love V-Day. Not for the general silly Hallmark reasons, but because I lost my virginity on February 14, 1999. (Yeah, that was Damian.) I waited and waited for the right person, and when I finally gave up (gave in?) it was totally worth the wait. He wasn't The One, but he was certainly Somebody--i.e. somebody who didn't treat me like crap or laugh at me with his friends or get drunk all the time. And it was a wonderful experience overall. Who was it that used to say, "A good time was had by all" in high school? God, I don't remember.

Anyway, I'm off to Mark's now. I'm excited to be getting into town in time to beat the rush hour traffic. I have to do some shopping first--I told him I would cook dinner--but it should be a pleasant, relaxing evening. (We're staying in to avoid the "date night" crowds.)

Oh, did I mention I'm going to see Tori Amos in two weeks? I haven't bought the tickets yet, but I'll be going with one of the other grad students (a 2nd-year) and probably her housemate. It's a girl from my studio who is my own age and seems totally nice, but that I haven't spent all that much time with yet. I'm looking forward to a Tori concert where I don't have to sit in the middle of a bunch of sorority girls who sing along to every song (i.e. even "Me and a Gun"!). It totally sucked, particularly because the offending SDT'er (or whomever) was, like, the worst singer ever, and liked to fake the words when she didn't know them. Damn, that was in 1996, and I still remember how irritated and uncomfortable I was. Anyway, that should be fun.

Helen and Greg: I bought my tickets to Ithaca!! I'll call you with the details.

I'm full of random thoughts today...I'm in a good mood, though, so they're all happy thoughts.

Guess who has a blog? This is great...

An apropos quote from a former New Jersey Poet Laureate:
I want you to know my hands are dirty,
But I wanted to be your Valentine,
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby,
When you get drunk I'll be the wine...

That would be Jon Bon Jovi, folks. You know, I bet his last name is really Bongiovi, but the A&R guys thought that sounded "too ethnic".

I got the new Yves Rocher catalog yesterday. {{drool}} I know I said I wasn't going to buy stuff from them anymore, but I am totally tempted. Maybe I could just have Elena tack my order onto hers--that way our order would be large enough for free shipping, plus I wouldn't have to worry about the whole shipping fiasco that caused the problem last time. I think that to me, buying CRAP via mail-order is harder to resist than buying similar detritus in an actual store. It's not like their cosmetics and/or skin care products are any better than those of, say, L'Oreal. And you can actually examine things before you buy them in the store. That way you won't, say, purchase a facial cleanser that is way way too mild for your skin, which is what I did in my penultimate order. Damn, I can basically only use it for eye makeup remover...

Speaking of which--guess what I saw in the mirror yesterday? CROWS' FEET!!! They're little, but they are definitely not a figment of my imagination. When I was in college I swore I would never get freaked out by anything as silly as wrinkles {{shudder}}...but here I am, and I'm a little freaked out, ragazzi. I just never thought it would happen this soon. I mean, I'm not even 26--I really ought to have at least ten more wrinkle-free years, you know? Could it be ten years of contact lens insertion that's caused the problem? Or maybe my eyeliner application technique? I really try not to stretch the skin that much! Okay, I know this is so minor, and I don't want to be a total vanity case, but I had always thought my oily skin would save me from this stuff until I hit my forties--the other women in my family have had late-onset wrinkles, after all, and my mother has very young-looking skin. I'm just afraid what I'm going to look like when I'm her age, if this continues. What if I turn into Karen "Botox-and-a-Martini" Walker?? Doesn't this sound like me?

"I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a KILLER rack. Good morning! "

Speaking of Will and Grace, this is Eric McCormack's actual website! (The link will take you to a quotes page, but no matter.)

Okay, I've been fucking around for too long. I actually have work to do, and I'd better go do it. Ta!

Like I said, I'm in a good mood. Seriously. :)

I couldn't resist this quiz:


Green - You believe that small economic units
should control the goods, and that the
government should be permissive of
"victimless crimes," respectful of
civil liberties and very strict towards big
business. You also believe in either a
socialist tax structure or more power to local
communities. You think that environmental
policies should be written into law. Your
historical role model is Ralf Nader.


Which political sterotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's much more accurate than the last one...

More later.

I woke up this morning at 7:30, to the voice of Jeff Gordon's estranged ex-wife (girlfriend?) calling him a womanizing scumbucket. (It was the radio, not Jerry Springer.) So I got ready in about 20 minutes, then went outside to find that I had parked directly over what was now a patch of ice. I was just a little late for work... Luckily there was nobody there to berate me for being ten minutes late. This morning I finally rediscovered the bottom of my inbox. Such a good feeling...

I just read this Slate article about pro-life personalized license plates. I don't know what to think. I'm a bit disgusted, I guess. And it's not even the plates I take offense to--they're relatively innocuous--but rather the knowledge that (conservative Southern) lawmakers are pushing their personal agendas on this thing. Yuck. What can you do?

Had a good talk with Cathy last night. Best of luck! I hope to be receiving a postcard in the mail any day. :)

Oops, have to go to class.

C'est moi. I'm tired and sticky right now...we were learning the galliard in my dance class today, and it was a total disaster!! I totally have shin splints now. I had a pretty good weekend, I guess. Mark and I had an intimacy breakthrough, actually--for his sake, I won't get specific--and we went for a long drive north of town, where we discovered the little village (?) of Madison--which Mark said looked like "somebody blew up Mayberry"... We did indeed dine at Carrabba's on Friday night, and went to the duck pond as predicted. Last night I had to write a prospectus for my opera paper, so I didn't get to bed until late...but I did take time out to watch Talk Sex with Sue Johansson, which is my new addiction. I just wish the damn thing weren't on so late! I can't stay up until midnight or one every night... I almost called last night, but I decided not to. What would I ask? I wouldn't want to be lame. I just think Sue Johansson is so cool.

Anyway, I have to get home. I've been illegally parked for a record eight hours. I've had luck so far evading tickets...

I had a Quizilla "What color matches your personality?" quiz on here, but I changed my mind. It was obviously incorrect... It said I was "gentle and conservative, somewhat reserved"... Who is that? It's certainly not me. Maybe it came out that way because the quiz asked stupid questions like, "You've been invited to the big dance. What do you wear?" Just because I don't wear tube tops I'm considered "somewhat reserved"?! Ah, well, I think most of the stuff on Quizilla is geared towards 15-year-old girls, anyway...

Friday Five

1. What did you have for breakfast this morning? If you didn't have breakfast, why not?
Fruit-on-the bottom yogurt (strawberry/banana) and coffee--the latter of which I am currently regretting...

2. What's your favorite cereal?
Grape-Nuts, if I could chew it. Since I can't eat anything that crunchy without excruciating jaw pain, I'd say either Lucky Charms or Peanut Butter Crunch.

3. How often do you eat out? Do you want that to change?
I eat out a lot. I like eating out with Mark on the weekends, but I really would love to cut down on my fast-food intake during the week. I don't always have much choice, unfortunately.

4. What do you plan on having for dinner tonight? Got a recipe for that?
Reservations! Hopefully Mark will take me out for Italian. I could really go for some chicken marsala and a long nap.

5. What's your favorite restaurant? Why?
Probably Carraba's. I know that's really sad, but I just love the food there. But I just found out that they're owned by Outback Steakhouse--and I'm always underwhelmed when I go to Outback. Plus I have cognitive dissonance about my favorite restaurant being a CHAIN...but they just do such a good job. It's so yummy. I never even knew it was a chain until I first visited __________--I thought the one in Wilmington was a rather prosperous family-owned Italian place that just happened to be on prime commercial turf and have a garden growing on the roof... (For those of you who've never been, it's so nothing like the Olive Garden!)

So in case you haven't noticed by the theme of my entry, I am tired and hungry and I want Italian food. Last night I went to Jeff's to watch Giulio Cesare with him and Elena--we were supposed to discuss it in Opera today, but of course we didn't get to it. I have rehearsal in about 40 minutes and I don't believe I'll be sounding too lovely...

I know I haven't posted much this week. I've spent the majority of my "free time" (i.e. not in class or at work) either researching my dance seminar paper (I'm writing something about social dance in colonial North America--maybe I'll compare regions, say Puritan New England to genteel Virginia/Carolina...I'm really interested in the whole morality issue and am totally reaching to write about it), trying to call Cathy (you are totally hard to reach!) or wasting time reading aforementioned L. Ron Hubbard sci-fi pulp. Oh, and I taped The Bachelorette. She finally got rid of that Russ asshole! I nailed him for Grade A Dick in the first 15 minutes of the first show. Oh, well, maybe she had to learn the hard way. And did you hear that Aaron and Helene broke up? I'm not shocked, but it was still a surprise.

I hope you all don't think I'm as shallow as that last paragraph sounded.

Because you know I'm not. (o^-^o)

In other news: I am very very VERY proud of Helen. But you already knew that. Good luck and XOXOXOXOX!!!

For some reason I have "(I Got) The Power" by Snap stuck in my head. I guess that means it's time to go sing some opera--and FAST!

I've been reading Battleground Earth. Now, before you judge, let me explain! I bought the book at a used library book sale for 50 cents. I figured it would be a "coffee-table book"--an homage to the worst big-budget movie ever made. (Though I've never seen Hudson Hawk--apparently that's pretty awful, too. Discuss!) But I picked it up the other day, and I've been reading a few pages before I go to bed every night. It's an interesting story, actually, and it isn't poorly written--it must be better than those Dragonlance "novels" certain friends of mine read in high school. Plus it's about a thousand pages long, so I won't finish it anytime soon. And it's not boring, but it helps me fall asleep--and anything non-narcotic that helps me sleep is a GOOD THING. And despite what you might think, very little in the book is reminiscient of Scientology.

Had a good weekend. Mark came and we did some relaxing. Saturday we went to this duck pond, armed with half a loaf of wheat bread. (Apparently they eat that, too.) The first time Mark and I went to this particular park, I was in a particularly foul mood for some unknown reason. We walked around looking at the flowers and the shrubbery and stuff, and I was just despondent. But then Mark mentioned the ducks. "Ducks?" My head perked up, and I immediately turned into a five-year old who couldn't wait to see the ducks. They're mallard ducks, and some white geese and Canada geese are there right now, too. (I'm not sure which birds are year-round denizens of this particular pond.) So every weekend I'm in town, I'm going to make a point of stopping at this particular park, and feeding the ducks whatever bread is in my fridge. It's a small price to pay for a little bit of childlike joy...

Okay, I really need to get something done now...