Yet another crazy dream (which I should've posted right away instead of waiting a few days so I forget everything):

I dreamed that when Mark and I come to visit Mike and Cathy in August, Cathy is visibly pregnant--about six months along, I would estimate. (And adorable, I should add.) The reason they moved in together is because she is in trouble. And that's the reason her mother came to visit, as well--to see preggo Cathy.

Isn't that a bizarre dream? I will admit that I've had total baby-on-the-brain lately--which for the most part has been transferred to really, REALLY wanting to get a dog. A smaller dog, perhaps a beagle or a Jack Russell (though we'd certainly get a mutt from the shelter--there are way too many great homeless dogs to adopt to actually go to a puppy mill and pay some sick amount of money that reinforces the macho, totally irresponsible notion of leaving pets unaltered...). There are some fabulous dogs to adopt at the pounds around here, but we can't have pets where we live. (Though our neighbor was able to have an exception made for her deaf and blind fifteen-year-old sweetheart of a kitty...) So one day we will get a dog, but it won't be until after we relocate. In the meantime, I will shamelessly covet other people's dogs.

When I get a little bored at work, I sometimes Google people from my distant, colorful past. (That is, instead of updating my BLOG, which is how I ought to be spending my time, right?) So yesterday I got the same idea while I was on Friendster. Now, I don't go on there very often--I signed up while I was in Florida to keep up with some singer contacts, and truly most of my Friends are other singers. And yesterday I got the idea to search out a girl who was in my studio in undergrad. Her mother was a singer in New York, so I assumed she would still be singing, more likely than not. She was a year behind me (and two years younger), and is the only person I've gone to school with who is almost exactly my voice type. Okay, my voice was "prettier", according to Jim F. (who I'd probably still have a tiny crush on if I ran into him), but we had similar-sized instruments. Anyway, what do you know, she came up in Friendster. (And through various connections I found Erik and Christine--hi!) And she is still singing. Then I Googled her: nice webpage--pretty amazing headshot, considering she's not the best-looking person--and her sound files were really good. So she's doing well, it seems.

But damn it all if I'm not getting competitive again. I was always competitive with her. She was a nice enough person--a bit on the catty side, but no more than the average singer--and we got along just fine, despite her undying love for Stephen Sondheim. And there were so few opportunities for us in undergrad, we were hardly ever in actual competition. But I always felt competitive with her. The thing is, as I mentioned before, I've never really known anybody the same voice type as myself. Okay, there was Stacey in Florida, but she's a few years older and better than me, and in addition is one of the sweetest, coolest people I know, so she doesn't count. My female colleague-friends are all mezzos or lighter sopranos. Even Summer, who I was double-cast with in Figaro, is a slightly smaller voice (which is partly why she could make a career singing her fabulous Contessa, and I still wake up in cold sweats over that evil aria "Dove sono")--plus Summer is awesome, and working together on Figaro only made us closer.

So is this the key to not being catty? Make friends with people?! That sounds way too simple to work. What about people who don't want to be friends with me? And there is the case of the other pseudo-"dramatic" soprano in Florida, who didn't like me in part because she was schtooping Peruvian Sexual-Harrasser Man and didn't like it when he paid attention to me--but I think she felt competitive with me, even though she was a few years older and her voice, while nice and well-supported, sure didn't sound as big as mine in similar rep... I didn't like her very much, but it was mainly because she could be really catty in the dressing room (and had lousy taste in men, obviously), and only secondarily because I felt some sort of competition with her. Maybe I'm just not as desensitized to competition as other people, because I've never really had anyone to compete with.

Am I a competitive person? I think so. I was competitive with grades in high school, to a point (though not excessively, I don't think). I know I'm very competitive with myself, and hard on myself when I don't feel I've done my best. But with board games and participatory sports? Not at ALL. That's why I'm no good at Scrabble or Monopoly or Risk or anything that involves strategy--and I only even like Scrabble because it feels educational. I think as a singer it's important to feel like you're competing with others a bit--mostly because it's completely true. But how much is too much? I've certainly never wished anyone ill will--it's completely not in my nature. (Unlike the aforementioned fellow soprano in Florida, who got really evil when the girl she was covering got sick--followed by "You know I'm just kidding", of course, but it was pretty clear she was hoping this girl would remain sick, and not in an abstract, wishful way, either. What a two-faced bitch!)

I don't know where I'm trying to go here. I certainly don't want to delude myself if I'm not all moonbeams and rainbows when it comes to another singer... But am I not cutthroat enough to do this? Is it more important for me to be liked than successful? Well, when you put it that way, OF COURSE. But I want to be BOTH. Ugh...

The other day Mark and I were paying a visit to the Evil Empire (he needed hickory chunks to smoke a pork shoulder) and these actual words passed from my lips:

Ooh, what a cute ottoman! Mark, don't you think that ottoman is cute?

And while yes, it was indeed a cute ottoman (small, oval-shaped, and you could store things inside), it struck me as an extremely yuppie thing to say. This, coupled with my affinity for "soft rock" stations--and the fact that I ordered a carafe of red wine while at a trendy new bar downtown last week--do not bode well... I think I'm getting old, guys!

I have more in me, I'm sure, but it can wait until tomorrow...

Take another shot of courage
Wonderin’ why the right words never come
You just get numb

I’ve always liked that part. I’ve never had a Tequila Sunrise, since it would certainly taste like tequila (aka turpentine)…

Things have been incredibly busy at work, and they are getting busier. We finally got the papers in for this conference, like three weeks after they were supposed to arrive, and now I have this huge box of manuscripts to go through. Hopefully I’ll have taken care of the preliminaries on all of them by this time next week. Ah, job security!

I just heard "18 and Life" on the radio. I meant to mention a few weeks ago that it was actually a clue on Jeopardy! I couldn’t believe my eyes. And nobody got it right, either. Though honestly, most of the contestants have been pretty sub-par lately.

Oh, and speaking of music, you can listen to my favorite radio station on the internet now. Enjoy!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam,
Undimmed by human tears!


So what about the use of the word "patriot" above implies lock-step agreement with one's president?

Just a thought...

It's five-thirty on my day off, and despite my plans to get a lot accomplished today I really didn't. I watched two episodes of my cool knitting show (which are all reruns at the moment), finished making a present for a lucky little girl with a big birthday coming in August, finally wrote an email I should've written weeks ago, and played more than a few games of this addictive little Japanese game. I don't even really understand the object--I have no idea how to get to Level 2, if it even exists--but I do know that this game is like crack. Ugh, there's laundry to do, I have to call my aunt, I promised I would make dinner, I wanted to make more pitas (that takes four hours, though, and it gets really hot in the kitchen)... Ah, at least I can get a few of these things accomplished.

GO CANES! Sorry, haven't posted since they won.

Mark's brother and his family came down last weekend. We had a really good time--the kid is really cute, and I can tell he's a good kid, but he is really in The Naughty Phase right now. Really, there was a minimum of brattiness--it's just that he doesn't know about delayed gratification yet. My sister-in-law is having another boy in October--she was not particularly comfortable being down here in the heat, but it didn't stop her from going to the outlet mall! So I guess it's all good.

Last night I made pitas from scratch. It was surprisingly easy, and much more convenient for sandwiches than homemade bread. And they taste much better and fresher than store-bought pitas. Though it did require an unbelievable TEN CUPS of flour! It wouldn't even all fit in the mixer bowl...

Wednesday was a fun, social day. I worked for two hours, then my office went to lunch to celebrate a birthday (two hours I get paid for!), then I had coffee with another local singer, then a dinner party with some friends who are headed to Switzerland until late July. We didn't get home until 1 AM! I needed the day off...

Okay, I must share this picture.



I just have no words. None.

Anyway, the big anticipated event here is that Mark's twin and his wife and son are coming down next Thursday for a long weekend. We haven't seen Laura and the baby (who's almost three, Jeez) in over two years--since the week of Helen's wedding, actually. It will be great to see them. I wonder, will spending time with Jack help hit the snooze on my biological clock, or turn up the volume? We shall see. He sure is a cute kid, though.

And in closing, I was inspired by Cathy's TMNT commercial to do some hunting of my own on YouTube. This really brings back the memories...



I always thought the father looked like a cross between Keith Hernandez and my third-grade teacher...

I officially apologize for accusing Cathy of being a Leo Lover. Mea maxima culpa!

Busy day today--I will update tomorrow.

So I was on NetFlix the other day, just poking around, when I saw something that stopped me cold: Cathy has apparently given Titanic FIVE stars. What the hell?! I mean, it has its good parts--Kate Winslet, special effects, the string quartet--but didn't we discuss this at length in 1998? Leonardo DiCaprio has gone on to make better films (e.g. Catch Me If You Can, The Aviator), but Titanic, to quote Helen, "just kind of sucks." Ugh. The worst dialogue. Anyway, I was pretty much shocked to see that. You have some 'splainin to do, young lady!

If there is an Aldi near you, you must try the 2004 Landshut Riesling. This wine is fabulous, and it's only $5 a bottle! And as far as Mark and I can tell, they only sell it at Aldi. We went in yesterday to buy a few bottles (among other things)--what a zoo.

In other news, Mark is finally fulfilling his life's dream of owning a barbecue grill. We'll need to order it from Sears (long story), but hopefully by this time next week we'll be eating marinated chicken breast and zucchini skewers. Yum...

I was reminded today of Jim Gaffigan's classic bit on Hot Pockets. Seriously, seriously funny.



Kinda tired. The humidity is getting to me. Yesterday I left work with what my coworkers believe was a migraine--my head didn't hurt, but my eyes were blurry and I felt really disconnected. I went home and slept for a few hours, waking up with an actual headache, but it wasn't really that bad...

Summer has finally come--for real. I mean, I've been wearing sandals several times a week since the second week of March, but today, today it's 92 degrees and humid. Ugghhhh... I better get used to this, as it will probably stay like this until late September. See, this is when we pay for the mild weather we get the rest of the year. One plus: the magnolias are starting to bloom, with buds the size of your fist. I picked one (well, "broke one off the branch" would better describe it) that hasn't quite opened yet this afternoon as I left work. It smells lovely and is just so beautiful, and promises to bloom even more humongous than it is already. I am a flower junkie.

You know what else I'm developing a yen for? Coffee. And we've got a French press, so it's wicked strong. Right now we've got this shade-grown stuff grown by parishioners of our cathedral's sister church in Nicaragua. (So it goes to a good cause!) I'm drinking two cups of that shit every morning four times a week. And I've entirely weaned myself off sweeteners in my coffee--just skim milk. I drink a lot of water in the afternoon to rehydrate a bit, but I've seen no ill effects in the singing. Problem is, the reason I started drinking it at all is that I've had SOOO much trouble getting my brain in gear in the morning. I mean, I somehow manage to roll out of bed, drive to work with very rare incident (more on that in a minute), and start my computer up okay, but as soon as I need start remembering which guy at Freescale Semiconductor called me yesterday things get fuzzy. And I pretty much need something to keep me going, and it's either caffeine or a Snickers bar (and I really shouldn't eat those at all). I try to eat small portions of low-sugar, higher-protein things periodically while I'm at work (string cheese, pumpkin seeds, the occasional sugar-free pudding cup!), but maybe I just need to eat a bigger breakfast than a 100-calorie fat-free sugar-free yogurt. A McGriddle would keep me going all morning, but those are like, heart attacks waiting to happen. Ah, well, I haven't figured out the whole diet thing yet...

So the "rare incident": there was a lot of congestion during my Wednesday commute, and I was rearended by a big BMW SUV. The driver (a girl in her mid-20s, I think) just wasn't paying attention, and wasn't going very fast when she hit me (I was stopped). There's very minor damage to the rear bumper (though it'll probably have to be replaced--that's the way bumpers usually are), and she had no damage at all. I'm having an appraisal on Tuesday, and hopefully it can be taken care of with relatively little inconvenience. It wasn't quite a positive way to start my morning, but the adrenaline actually helped me coast right over the morning blahs...

The doctor's appointment yesterday was helpful, I think. It was to follow up on the Lexapro, so I got to tell the doctor that it was NOT working. I've just been feeling yucky (see above), plus I haven't been doing so well with food (and I had been doing pretty excellent for a while--for me anyway). Now we're going to try Cymbalta, which is newer but I guess it affects more neurotransmitters. Plus it's supposed to help with muscle tension, which I have a lot of. I hope it goes better. It's a rare person who finds the right mood med on the first shot, so I'm not too worried about it. I start tomorrow, and look forward to better results.

Oh, last weekend! We had a great time in the mountains. My audition went really well--I got really positive and pretty useful feedback, and the guy might cast me in something at some point--and we visited with Mark's mother's cousin and his wife. They have a house on three acres of beautiful gardens and a mini-farm with all sorts of produce--six kinds of apples, plums, pears, blueberries, strawberries, asparagus, peas, beans, potatoes, even some corn. Plus there's a great view. It was very relaxing, and we each ate our weight in fruits and vegetables. And on Sunday we went to Spirits on the River for lunch (it was featured on one of Rachael Ray's travel shows). I had a delicious Gator Burrito, and Mark and I shared the incredible Fry Bread Sundae--ice cream and strawberries on a huge crispy doughnut-thing. Ohhhhhh, fry bread, I am your new bitch. (((salivates))) Is this why you've been driving all that way to Newfoundland, Helen? It's almost worth three days on a bus. Yeah, so basically we spent the whole time chasing chow. That and a yarn outlet (!!!) that I saw a billboard for on the way west, which for some reason no longer exists. Sad... :(


And before I sign off, the obligatory YouTube tidbit. This is one hard-working man. I especially appreciated his early '90s dance abilities...

Heh heh heh...

This is the coolest graffito ever.



Thank you for your comments, Erik! You're right about my judgment of the Wagner aria--I did screw up one of the rests, but it sounds pretty good so I'm not complaining too much... As for your comparison with pop singers: last year in Florida one of the other apprentices reminded us all that we could all have been successful pop singers, particularly since we're such good mimics, but that we chose this much more difficult route. The reason it seems like we have to "age" is because we do, literally. That and yes, there's a hell of a lot more work involved.

And speaking of singing, I had a pretty good lesson yesterday. My teacher has given me a new mantra: You have no technical problems except tension. And it's actually true. I immediately said, "Well, yeah, except for my breath control...", and she interrupted me to repeat the mantra. If I have trouble with my breath control, it's usually because I'm clenching with my neck. (I've had a particularly yucky time with my neck and back lately.) So the key for me is to somehow learn to relax my neck mid-phrase; I've learned how to relax my shoulders while I'm singing, but the neck is a different story. How did it get so bad? Who knows...

So I have an audition for a company in the western part of the state on Saturday. It's a general audition, but the artistic director heard me at the Met competition in January--hopefully he will have some vague memory of the experience. After speaking with my teacher and some other singer friends, I'm going to start presenting myself as a switch-hitter--that I'm definitely a big Puccini-Verdi-Wagner soprano, but that I'm quite comfortable singing character mezzo roles. And I am--and I can actually be heard over an orchestra singing them, actually. Plus they're almost always comedic, which is a blast after singing about living in a cave or being forced to have sex with the police chief to save my lover (like in my other rep). I do worry about being typecast as a mezzo, but at this point in my career I'm less concerned about that. The main thing is, I'm marketable in character roles, and I can make money doing it, and the size of my ass is not at all a problem (bonus!). So I'm going to start with my one halfway-mezzo aria tomorrow, and hopefully the audition will add up to something somewhere along the road. We're also going to be visiting with Mark's relatives who live on a blueberry farm--fun!

Wow. Here's more YouTube, a little music video called "Lazy Ramadi". It's hilarious, but it makes my heart hurt even more that there are these cute, creative young guys over there for no damn good reason. Oh, and some of Cathy's coworkers might appreciate it more than we do...

Go Canes! We went to the game last night--it was a great game despite the ridiculous refereeing (like calling penalties for every little thing Mike Commodore did, and completely missing all the times the Devils tripped and pushed people. I know it's the playoffs, but open your eyes. Jeez!). Now they'll be playing the Sabres in the Eastern Conference Finals. Mark has to decide where his loyalties lie...


We won't be going to any more games this season anyway; the seats we had last night are $100 each for this round, and even more if they make the Stanley Cup finals...


So here's the Butterfly scoop (by the way, the show has been moved to next spring so we can do it in a fantastic theater): I sing the big aria, it goes okay. I get a call the next day from the artistic director (my dear friend) and he asks me if I'm working the next day, a Tuesday. Apparently one of the people sitting in on the auditions (a board member, who I've sung with before, who is honestly no great shakes as a singer, but I suppose he's been around the block a bit) was concerned that my top (i.e. the one high note in the whole aria, I suppose) was spread and the lower notes were uneven, and they wanted to hear me again the next day. The high note was mediocre, as I recall. And I had specifically backed off on the lower parts of the aria--there's no consensus about how much chest voice Cio-Cio-San should use (not in that aria, or in any of Act I where she's supposed to be all geisha-y and fifteen and stuff), so I consciously chose to sing the low notes a bit more, um, gently. Apparently that was a bad idea. Anyway, I went in there the next day and sang the shit out of it, then sang a Verdi aria after that. My friend called to offer me the part an hour or two later. The thing is, even though I knew what my missteps were at the first audition--and, more importantly, knew EXACTLY how to fix them--I was still so terrified. With all the physical manifestations I've come to associate with performance anxiety. To me that says the Lexapro really isn't doing the job. I'm going back to the doctor next week, so maybe he can make another recommendation. And I'm sure therapy would probably help, but I'm just so loath to tell another complete stranger my life story from the beginning...

In happier news, Mark has made The World's Largest Lasagne. It is currently in the oven. Maybe I'll post a picture of it...

Since posting videos is all the rage, here is a funny one about MacGyver saving the cast of Lost.

I have more to say about Cio-Cio-San--the audition process was not so smooth as originally anticipated--but the kitchen is crying to be cleaned, so I'm thinking tomorrow.

It's finalized at last: I will be singing the lead in Madama Butterfly this fall. It's extremely exciting, but at the same time kind of scary. Long role, dramatically very demanding (yay, eighteen-year-old geisha mommy who kills herself), vocally challenging (but it's actually my fach--for once I'm actually singing something I'm supposed to be singing!), lots of historical comparisons to be made (eg. Callas, Tebaldi, Freni). I need to keep in mind that I'm twenty-nine, and cannot be expected to be as good as a forty-year-old native Italian superstar. I can only be my personal best. And I will do my damndest at that...

Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I am a slackass...

Great, now if somebody Googles the word "slackass", my blog will come up. Hell, I could use some readers, I suppose.

Speaking of Googling things, I've learned of a new fun Google game: if you search "[your name] needs", all sorts of cool stuff comes up. Most of mine concerned J.Lo and Jennifer Aniston. Though I suppose most of Helen's would concern old ladies on some heart transplant list (LOL!), and Cathy's would be from some lousy Wuthering Heights term paper available for purchase by desperate eleventh-graders. Give it a shot, though.

Feeling a bit sassy today, though I am also very tired. I didn't sleep well last night (how could I, kein boo? she snickered), and my neck is really killing me today. Part of the issue is that I've decided to try taking the originally-prescribed amount of metformin (rather than the half-dose I've been taking since October). The GYN told me I could go back on the full dose if/when I wanted, so I thought I'd give it a try. My weight loss has stalled, after all. I think it's going okay, but I have been crazy lethargic since Monday. Hitting the coffee and everything. Wow, I'm like, a normal person now.

And in Lexapro news...well, Mark seems to think it's made a difference, but I'm not sure yet. The (other) doctor has me on a full 10 mg now. I really don't feel any different. It may be making me break out, though, which I definitely don't like. I had to sing this incredibly difficult trio at a gala on Saturday night, and I was slightly less anxious than usual (i.e. no nausea, but I still couldn't eat and had to dose with Imodium beforehand), but I think that was mostly because two of my good friends were there, so I was distracted and in a supportive environment.

Oh, and in audition news, my big (albeit predetermined) audition is on Sunday. Several friends will be in town for the auditions as well, so it will be a sushi night culminating in sake back at the house. I don't recall liking sake (but plum wine...yummm), but our friends gave it to us as a wedding present, with the promise that we would enjoy it together, so down the hatch we will go. I'm trying not to be nervous about the audition--hell, it's basically been a done deal since November--but I still feel the need to prove to the dear AD that I can sing the hell out of it.

Oh, and in happy news, congrats to Stacey (if she's out there) for scoring the lead in AIDA in February! You go girl! :)

We do like her cookbook, but have also developed our own drinking games for her shows (e.g. do a shot every time she says something like "Yum-O!" or leaves a dollar tip)...

Which Food Network Personality are you?

You are RACHEL RAY, host of "$40 a Day" and "30-Minute Meals". You're zany, just a little bit dorky, but you know your stuff. You show quick and easy meals that dont break your budget. You also love to travel, and hunt for the most fun and the best deals. You obviously love having fun and love showing others how to have fun. Youre adventurous and happy-go-lucky, yet way frugal and thrifty. Good job!
Take this quiz!








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It has been ages since I've posted a dumbass quiz:

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 70% Superman 60% Hulk 60% Green Lantern 60% Iron Man 60% Supergirl 55% Wonder Woman 55% Catwoman 50% Robin 47% Batman 45% The Flash 40%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


Things here are okay. The birthday went pretty well, though I was up all night after eating goat curry mixed with ice cream cake. (Ugh.) I haven't been sleeping well in general--I wake up every night at about 4 AM, and there are nights I can't get back to sleep. If I do actually get back to sleep, I still wake up several more times before I'm actually supposed to. As it is, my sleep is very disrupted. I've tried taking several things, but nothing seems to keep me from waking up. I think exercising helps this--I just need to get motivated.

The state lottery starts tomorrow, after a lot of (mostly stupid) controversy, so Mark is down at the home paper covering in-town stuff. That means I'm on my own for the next two days. Among other things--continual laundry processing, cleaning the kitchen (which is Mark's job but he ran out of time), home pedicure--I have a two-DVD set of Die Walkuere that we got from NetFlix two weeks ago that I just haven't been able to bring myself to watch. Tonight's the night! Six o'clock will find me settling in with frozen pizza, snacks and tea to watch the marathon. I'm not quite sure how long it is--certainly over three hours. As if I have to be tortured to watch a Wagner opera...

In other news, we are almost definitely going up to DC on Easter/Anniversary weekend. More details to follow.