Make a note on your holiday shopping lists: this is what I want for Christmas. Thank you, Cathy, for calling it to my attention.

The master class performance was a nightmare for me, by the way. I woke up vocally tired (from the two services of screaming plus the fucking Handel performance the day before--never again will I do Handel choral music, I refuse) and the fatigue increased over the course of the day. By the time it was my turn to sing--after sitting in a freezing air-conditioned room for two hours--I had completely psyched myself out. There was one phrase in particular--the one with the high B-natural--where I told myself I wouldn't get through, before I even started the phrase, so of course I clenched up and couldn't get through it. I was very disappointed, to put it mildly--I wanted to run screaming from the stage, actually. Somehow I managed to stand up there for another 15 minutes and calmly accept the director's suggestions. And they were good suggestions. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad I got a chance to sing for him. But I was really upset with myself.

And yesterday morning I had an appointment to go to the communication disorders lab and have them look at my larynx. (Long metal tube with a camera on the end, straight back to my epiglottis...) I was totally swollen, and am on vocal rest until Friday. I shouldn't be talking, even, but I am doing noticeably better today. I'm still just so mad at myself, you know? If I had known the extra service at my church would predominantly be early music, I never would have agreed to fill in. I just can't sing soprano on that shit. Women with my voice sang alto in those days (if they were allowed to sing at all.) I know it sounds so diva-ish to say ("I'm sorry, but I don't sing Handel"), but I'm serious. I need to take care of myself.

It's also such a rude awakening to actually be able to look at my vocal cords and see how swollen they are. I feel like I'm trying to calm down a sick baby, who's upset and confused and VERY angry with me for aspirating her or giving her that nasty-tasting medicine. I need to baby my larynx right now. In reality, it's similar to getting sore muscles from overdoing it during exercise. Except imagine those sore muscles slapping against each other 200 times a second. That's talking. Let alone singing! Anyway, I'm feling kind of solemn right now.

On a happier note, the new Matrix movie comes out today! I think we're going to have to wait a few weeks to see it. I think Mark and I are going to see Elf instead. :) And we might get to go swing dancing, too!