We have picked a date: Saturday, May 7, 2005 at 2 PM. Hopefully that won't interfere with the high school reunion. ;) It will be at the church we didn't originally want, but we are satisfied, and it's probably better this way anyway. And the reception will be in the city council chambers/ballroom. Very pretty, right downtown, newly renovated. Next week we'll be meeting with our two caterer choices, and hopefully a decision about that will be made soon. Then we can relax a little bit. The dress situation is actually the least stressful thing of everything. A few weeks ago I went to this renowned bridal outlet and tried on a few dresses, just for fun. Alone, so there was no pressure. It was kind of fun. There was one I really liked, but for some reason I can't find the style number on the company's website. Anyway, I guess I'll be doing the big trip in September or so. But now my grandmother has offered her dress--fifty years old this fall--which would need to be restored (and might not even fit), but it would be pretty cool. Plus she said I could do whatever I wanted to the sleeves, neckline, etc., and she wouldn't be offended--and it wouldn't hurt her at all either if I decided against wearing it. So it's good to have that option. Bridesmaids: probably going with David's Bridal so y'all can get different dresses all in the same color/s. Haven't decided on the color yet--possibly periwinkle or lavender--but we have time to work on that.
Relations with my mother have gone surprisingly well since the engagement. At one point I said to Mark that I hoped the wedding-planning experience would bring my mother and I closer together. I suppose we can bond over swatches or something. There have been a few times where I've tried to get her off the phone lately, but mostly because she was talking about money and my employment prospects. I've sent off about eight resumes for part-time jobs, and I'll just keep trying. I really need to call these music schools, but for some reason I've been dragging my feet about it. Probably just fear of rejection. Whatever. What have I really got to lose here?
Tuesday, June 29
Friday, June 25
Aha! I am back. My computer is hooked up to the internet, finally, though I have an excruciatingly slow connection (and a Pentium 133, to make matters worse). It's been difficult to get things done.
Anyway, my father came through his surgery just fine, though they did have to take out almost his entire right tricep. The scar starts at his elbow and loops around his armpit (apparently to help with flexibility), and was originally held together with several dozen staples. He looked a bit like Frankenstein, which was scary. But he didn't take any of the prescribed Percocet, and is returning to work next Wednesday, only about three weeks after the surgery. He's not sure how much he can do yet--he's not supposed to lift more than 15 pounds with his right arm--but is very happy about getting back to work.
I, on the other hand, have spent the last two weeks on my ass. Watching Buffy reruns, mind you, but still not doing much of anything. I am in a very precarious financial situation--I won't even get into it. Mark is helping me (including paying for my gas!), and I don't need to pay rent or anything, but I do have lessons and cell phone bills and a credit card to take care of, plus some audition-related expenses coming in a few months. I know it's part of the whole depression-prone monster, but I'm tired of it. So Mark and I talked about it AGAIN last night (after a near-breakdown in Kmart on Sunday), and this morning I faxed off my first resume for a part-time job. I'm not really counting on any of the music schools in town to be interested in hiring me (or anybody) at this point--particularly in the summer--and I think working mornings is a great way for me to feel like I'm doing something. And I definitely will be able to pay my own bills this way. There's a program in Sarasota that I REALLY want to do in the winter (eleven weeks long, with only nine days off the whole time--now THAT is intensive), so right now I'm just trying to fill something in, to pay the bills. Plus I really don't mind administrative work--especially when it's part-time, because I don't have to stress over it. And I know I won't be doing it forever, of course. It will actually be nice to meet some new people.
I must go, but I have a question: how do people feel about April 16, 2005 for a wedding? Looks like it'll either be that or May 7th (which, incidentally, is the day Mark proposed, but we're leaning towards the former). We really wanted to get married on a Friday evening, but the church we're using (which was not our first choice, but will do just fine) only does weddings on Saturdays, before 2 PM. I think we're pretty sure about the reception site, as well; we just have to choose between two or three caterers. I think we're going to have a pasta station! Yay!
p.s. Helen, I owe you an apology for not getting back to you. As I mentioned, I've been sitting on my ass, and really have no excuse. How is Monday for you?
Anyway, my father came through his surgery just fine, though they did have to take out almost his entire right tricep. The scar starts at his elbow and loops around his armpit (apparently to help with flexibility), and was originally held together with several dozen staples. He looked a bit like Frankenstein, which was scary. But he didn't take any of the prescribed Percocet, and is returning to work next Wednesday, only about three weeks after the surgery. He's not sure how much he can do yet--he's not supposed to lift more than 15 pounds with his right arm--but is very happy about getting back to work.
I, on the other hand, have spent the last two weeks on my ass. Watching Buffy reruns, mind you, but still not doing much of anything. I am in a very precarious financial situation--I won't even get into it. Mark is helping me (including paying for my gas!), and I don't need to pay rent or anything, but I do have lessons and cell phone bills and a credit card to take care of, plus some audition-related expenses coming in a few months. I know it's part of the whole depression-prone monster, but I'm tired of it. So Mark and I talked about it AGAIN last night (after a near-breakdown in Kmart on Sunday), and this morning I faxed off my first resume for a part-time job. I'm not really counting on any of the music schools in town to be interested in hiring me (or anybody) at this point--particularly in the summer--and I think working mornings is a great way for me to feel like I'm doing something. And I definitely will be able to pay my own bills this way. There's a program in Sarasota that I REALLY want to do in the winter (eleven weeks long, with only nine days off the whole time--now THAT is intensive), so right now I'm just trying to fill something in, to pay the bills. Plus I really don't mind administrative work--especially when it's part-time, because I don't have to stress over it. And I know I won't be doing it forever, of course. It will actually be nice to meet some new people.
I must go, but I have a question: how do people feel about April 16, 2005 for a wedding? Looks like it'll either be that or May 7th (which, incidentally, is the day Mark proposed, but we're leaning towards the former). We really wanted to get married on a Friday evening, but the church we're using (which was not our first choice, but will do just fine) only does weddings on Saturdays, before 2 PM. I think we're pretty sure about the reception site, as well; we just have to choose between two or three caterers. I think we're going to have a pasta station! Yay!
p.s. Helen, I owe you an apology for not getting back to you. As I mentioned, I've been sitting on my ass, and really have no excuse. How is Monday for you?
Tuesday, June 1
I know I haven't posted in a while--I have a lot going on. And right now I'm at the public library, so I have to keep this short.
Recital was fine, other than getting makeup in my eye and singing my whole Wagner set afraid I was going to go blind. Cathy and I had a good time here.
Moving was relatively stress-free. Sold the bed and the TV, so we didn't have to rent a truck or anything. Still getting settled in. Currently unemployed, therefore earning my keep by going to the dry cleaners, removing stains from white shirts and making meatloaf for dinner, in between episodes of BUFFY. I feel like June Cleaver. Actually, no.
But the big thing is this: my father has a tumor in his right tricep that the doctors thought was benign, but it isn't. It's a rare, slow-growing cancer currently the size of a fist, and they're operating next Monday. And Thursday they need to do a CAT scan of his lungs to make sure it hasn't spread. I found out Saturday, and I'm still pretty freaked out. I mean, I know my parents aren't invincible, but this is scary. And he's only 47. Everybody in my family who's had cancer died in their eighties. Anyway, I don't think they're very worried--or maybe my mother is making it sound better than it is. I mean, she said he'll probably only need to be out of work for six weeks or so, and they have to remove a bunch of his tricep muscle. (Traditionally they used to have to AMPUTATE, but thank goodness they won't.) There's a chance he might need radiation treatments as well, but they're not sure yet. In any case, I'm going down there next week to help out--my mother is working part-time, so I'll do what I can. He might be a bit too medicated to need much of anything for a few days, but what else can I do? I feel pretty powerless about the whole thing. The odd thing is that my mother still wants to go look at reception sites while I'm down there. Crazy...
Recital was fine, other than getting makeup in my eye and singing my whole Wagner set afraid I was going to go blind. Cathy and I had a good time here.
Moving was relatively stress-free. Sold the bed and the TV, so we didn't have to rent a truck or anything. Still getting settled in. Currently unemployed, therefore earning my keep by going to the dry cleaners, removing stains from white shirts and making meatloaf for dinner, in between episodes of BUFFY. I feel like June Cleaver. Actually, no.
But the big thing is this: my father has a tumor in his right tricep that the doctors thought was benign, but it isn't. It's a rare, slow-growing cancer currently the size of a fist, and they're operating next Monday. And Thursday they need to do a CAT scan of his lungs to make sure it hasn't spread. I found out Saturday, and I'm still pretty freaked out. I mean, I know my parents aren't invincible, but this is scary. And he's only 47. Everybody in my family who's had cancer died in their eighties. Anyway, I don't think they're very worried--or maybe my mother is making it sound better than it is. I mean, she said he'll probably only need to be out of work for six weeks or so, and they have to remove a bunch of his tricep muscle. (Traditionally they used to have to AMPUTATE, but thank goodness they won't.) There's a chance he might need radiation treatments as well, but they're not sure yet. In any case, I'm going down there next week to help out--my mother is working part-time, so I'll do what I can. He might be a bit too medicated to need much of anything for a few days, but what else can I do? I feel pretty powerless about the whole thing. The odd thing is that my mother still wants to go look at reception sites while I'm down there. Crazy...
Tuesday, May 18
From Erik:
You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ha!
I am dogsitting for my friend's slightly demented black Lab for the rest of the week. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I really don't have the time to devote to a dog, but I would love to have one.
Helen, you better call me back... :)
You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I AM 35% GEEK!  You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing. |
Ha!
I am dogsitting for my friend's slightly demented black Lab for the rest of the week. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I really don't have the time to devote to a dog, but I would love to have one.
Helen, you better call me back... :)
Monday, May 17
I know I haven't updated in a while, for various reasons (library being closed, logistical stuff, etc.), but the big news is:
I was right! Mark did propose at CASABLANCA on the battleship last weekend. In front of like 300 people. There was even a letter to the editor in the paper about it. The ring is gorgeous, of course. More importantly, I have my baby forever!
It's all still a bit of a blur, and sometimes I forget. And now we're starting to make guest lists and stuff, because we need to have a basic number in order to book a church and a place for the reception, so we can start sending out announcements and stuff. We're looking at next April (a good month in Wilmington, and it almost never rains). My mother is very excited, of course. I hope this becomes an opportunity for us to get closer, not less so. I think it will be a good thing. Anyway, more details about the whole thing will follow.
And in other news (yes, there is other news!), the first dress rehearsal for my recital was earlier this afternoon. I think it went pretty well--still some things to work on, but it's really coming together. It's a good thing I learn music quickly!
I was right! Mark did propose at CASABLANCA on the battleship last weekend. In front of like 300 people. There was even a letter to the editor in the paper about it. The ring is gorgeous, of course. More importantly, I have my baby forever!
It's all still a bit of a blur, and sometimes I forget. And now we're starting to make guest lists and stuff, because we need to have a basic number in order to book a church and a place for the reception, so we can start sending out announcements and stuff. We're looking at next April (a good month in Wilmington, and it almost never rains). My mother is very excited, of course. I hope this becomes an opportunity for us to get closer, not less so. I think it will be a good thing. Anyway, more details about the whole thing will follow.
And in other news (yes, there is other news!), the first dress rehearsal for my recital was earlier this afternoon. I think it went pretty well--still some things to work on, but it's really coming together. It's a good thing I learn music quickly!
Friday, May 7
I only have a few minutes, but I must say something about the FRIENDS finale. I think it ended well, with the spirit of the series as a whole in mind. There were no surprise guests (eg. no Emily or Joshua or Paul the wine guy, though Janice was on a few episodes ago). And though they did give us what we wanted, there was some doubt along the way. I hated the show when it came out, but it really grew on me. Who can't identify with something there?
Anyway, I just did my observed lesson (not my idea of fun) and I turned in my portfolio. I have a rehearsal at 11, then it's off to the beach. And Mark's meeting has been canceled, apparently. They show classic movies on the battleship during the summer, and Mark wants to go tonight--they're showing CASABLANCA. How could I NOT be suspicious about this? Argh. Anyway, wish me luck...
Anyway, I just did my observed lesson (not my idea of fun) and I turned in my portfolio. I have a rehearsal at 11, then it's off to the beach. And Mark's meeting has been canceled, apparently. They show classic movies on the battleship during the summer, and Mark wants to go tonight--they're showing CASABLANCA. How could I NOT be suspicious about this? Argh. Anyway, wish me luck...
Tuesday, May 4
BIG NEWS!
We have officially moved my recital to Tuesday, May 25 at 5:30 PM. You heard it here first. If you live within three states of me, consider making the drive. How often do you get to hear Wagner in recital, for free?
Oh, and yes, I still have music to memorize. We decided to move my recital two weeks ago, and in that time I have learned six new songs, but I only have two of them memorized. (Others are on their way to being memorized, but the two that I have committed to memory are a bit shaky...) Getting things memorized generally isn't a problem for me, but it's just that it's so MUCH, in such a short period of time. I know I can do it--after Friday morning (when my pedagogy portfolio is due) I don't have anything to do except pack and get my music in order.
And by the way, we're headed to the beach this weekend. I should be at Mark's by one, and then we're on our way. He has some sort of meeting planned, but other than that we can go to the beach (though the water will still be too cold, I'd think), go downtown and just relax. Yes, it has definitely crossed my mind that this may be THE weekend (i.e. a date with "precious"). I'm trying not to think about it, but the minute he mentioned it I got this feeling that it may be time. I don't want to get my hopes up, but how can I not?!
Oh, and did you notice my new banner ads? I'm so proud of myself. :)
We have officially moved my recital to Tuesday, May 25 at 5:30 PM. You heard it here first. If you live within three states of me, consider making the drive. How often do you get to hear Wagner in recital, for free?
Oh, and yes, I still have music to memorize. We decided to move my recital two weeks ago, and in that time I have learned six new songs, but I only have two of them memorized. (Others are on their way to being memorized, but the two that I have committed to memory are a bit shaky...) Getting things memorized generally isn't a problem for me, but it's just that it's so MUCH, in such a short period of time. I know I can do it--after Friday morning (when my pedagogy portfolio is due) I don't have anything to do except pack and get my music in order.
And by the way, we're headed to the beach this weekend. I should be at Mark's by one, and then we're on our way. He has some sort of meeting planned, but other than that we can go to the beach (though the water will still be too cold, I'd think), go downtown and just relax. Yes, it has definitely crossed my mind that this may be THE weekend (i.e. a date with "precious"). I'm trying not to think about it, but the minute he mentioned it I got this feeling that it may be time. I don't want to get my hopes up, but how can I not?!
Oh, and did you notice my new banner ads? I'm so proud of myself. :)
Wednesday, April 28
Maybe more quizzes will make the ad go away...or maybe I'm just procrastinating...
Lady Fairy of the Rainbow
What Fairy Lady are you? (Ladies)
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Raphael: The angel of healing. Raphael is drawn to
injured souls which cry out for kindness and
patients. You are a sweet and caring person,
and make a great friend.
Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse
which happy bunny are you?
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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What GOOD movie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Brigitte Bardot!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow, I feel really mindless now.
Lady Fairy of the Rainbow
What Fairy Lady are you? (Ladies)
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Raphael: The angel of healing. Raphael is drawn to
injured souls which cry out for kindness and
patients. You are a sweet and caring person,
and make a great friend.
Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What GOOD movie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Brigitte Bardot!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow, I feel really mindless now.
Tuesday, April 27
I noticed that the ad banner on my page had something about "family values" or something on it...I plan to remove it right now.
obsessive compulsive
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
I've been working on the Wagner. Wagner. Wagner. The Wesendonck-Lieder. I love the Wagner. They're working so much better than the Strauss were. I can actually SING the Wagner, whereas with the Strauss I was just phonating in rhythm. :) Instead of doing the crazy-hard Mozart aria, I'm doing a few of William Bolcom's Cabaret Songs. They're really funny.
Oh, and I did the laryngeal-scoping thing this morning. According to the speech pathologist, I have an "extraordinary larynx". Isn't that cool? Wagner.
P.S. Wagner. Opera. Wagner. Wagner. Ring Cycle. Diva. Soprano.
Hopefully that will make the evil ads go away... :)
obsessive compulsive
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
I've been working on the Wagner. Wagner. Wagner. The Wesendonck-Lieder. I love the Wagner. They're working so much better than the Strauss were. I can actually SING the Wagner, whereas with the Strauss I was just phonating in rhythm. :) Instead of doing the crazy-hard Mozart aria, I'm doing a few of William Bolcom's Cabaret Songs. They're really funny.
Oh, and I did the laryngeal-scoping thing this morning. According to the speech pathologist, I have an "extraordinary larynx". Isn't that cool? Wagner.
P.S. Wagner. Opera. Wagner. Wagner. Ring Cycle. Diva. Soprano.
Hopefully that will make the evil ads go away... :)
Friday, April 23
From Erik:
What is your stand on..... brought to you by BZOINK!
| Abortion?: | a woman's choice (as I squirm...) |
| Death Penalty?: | no way |
| Prostitution?: | exploitative |
| Alcohol?: | in moderation |
| Marijuana?: | in more moderation, under controlled circumstances |
| Other drugs?: | dangerous and scary |
| Gay marriage?: | the government should grant civil unions to everyone--get rid of "marriage" altogether |
| Illegal immigrants?: | my grandfather was one... |
| Smoking?: | far away from me |
| Drunk driving?: | unacceptable |
| Cloning?: | creepy |
| Racism?: | evil |
| Premarital sex?: | probably a good thing |
| Religion?: | whatever makes sense to you |
| The war in Iraq?: | probably inevitable, but certainly for the wrong reasons |
| Bush?: | nitwit puppet of some far nastier characters |
| Downloading music?: | for individual use only |
| The legal drinking age?: | 19? That's what it is in Canada... |
| Porn?: | for laughs, or if it's tasteful |
| Suicide?: | "don't do it" |
What is your stand on..... brought to you by BZOINK!
Another Friday Five from the vaults...
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Why, Wonder Woman, of course. Because she had big boobs and an invisible jet. And she could kick ass.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
Ballet lessons! All my elementary-school friends took ballet, but I thought we couldn't afford them. I was probably right...
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Madrid, for several hours' layover.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Violin.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Many recitals to attend, and I'm working with a coach from New York Sunday. Plus I think we're washing the car. How exciting...
Sorry to be brief, but I have music to learn....
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Why, Wonder Woman, of course. Because she had big boobs and an invisible jet. And she could kick ass.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
Ballet lessons! All my elementary-school friends took ballet, but I thought we couldn't afford them. I was probably right...
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Madrid, for several hours' layover.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Violin.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Many recitals to attend, and I'm working with a coach from New York Sunday. Plus I think we're washing the car. How exciting...
Sorry to be brief, but I have music to learn....
Tuesday, April 20
So everybody seems to be slacking on their pages lately... I will try not to let this happen here. I'm sure my entries will decrease a bit once I'm not in school anymore, but I'll do my best.
The big news here is that we've decided to postpone my recital for a few weeks. Things were just not going as smoothly as we thought they would, and (as you know) I've been freaking out since my rocky recital jury. Yesterday in my lesson my teacher brought it up (she assumed I was a bit too fragile to bring it up before, which was astute of her) and we had a serious discussion about it. As long as I do it before the summer sessions are over it's not a problem, but I'd like to get it done in May (my accompanist will be gone during June). So we're laying the really hard, scary Strauss aside and doing a Wagner set that I really wanted to do anyway. Now all I have to do is learn a handful of new songs in the next few weeks...
The big news here is that we've decided to postpone my recital for a few weeks. Things were just not going as smoothly as we thought they would, and (as you know) I've been freaking out since my rocky recital jury. Yesterday in my lesson my teacher brought it up (she assumed I was a bit too fragile to bring it up before, which was astute of her) and we had a serious discussion about it. As long as I do it before the summer sessions are over it's not a problem, but I'd like to get it done in May (my accompanist will be gone during June). So we're laying the really hard, scary Strauss aside and doing a Wagner set that I really wanted to do anyway. Now all I have to do is learn a handful of new songs in the next few weeks...
Friday, April 16
An archival Friday Five...
(December 7, 2001)
1. If you were to go to a movie this weekend, which one would you pick?
Perhaps the sneak preview of 13 Going on 30, if only because it's basically a remake of Big...
2. What movie would you like to rent this weekend?
I know they show them on TV a lot, but a Mel Brooks movie would be nice. High Anxiety, maybe.
3. What one TV show do you always try to watch?
I've been into watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns on FX lately...
4. If you (and your S.O.) were cool with it, what five celebrities (at the most) would it be 'ok' for you to have a fling with?
Yum. Okay. This is actually harder than I thought it'd be! In no particular order: the two Colins (Farrell and Firth), Jon Stewart (he would be really funny in bed), Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp (why not?). Subject to change.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
I have three recitals and a Verdi Requiem to go to. My friend's mother is driving in tonight from up North, and a group of us is supposed to have dinner. Hopefully Mark will be able to make it.
And that's it. Yesterday was a crappy day for several reasons, but I'm trying to transcend that. Singing is frustrating right now because I have a $hitload of neck tension. Well, I think I always had it, and I'm just now really noticing how much it affects my singing. I guess that's sort of a good thing, but I'm annoyed about it...
(December 7, 2001)
1. If you were to go to a movie this weekend, which one would you pick?
Perhaps the sneak preview of 13 Going on 30, if only because it's basically a remake of Big...
2. What movie would you like to rent this weekend?
I know they show them on TV a lot, but a Mel Brooks movie would be nice. High Anxiety, maybe.
3. What one TV show do you always try to watch?
I've been into watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns on FX lately...
4. If you (and your S.O.) were cool with it, what five celebrities (at the most) would it be 'ok' for you to have a fling with?
Yum. Okay. This is actually harder than I thought it'd be! In no particular order: the two Colins (Farrell and Firth), Jon Stewart (he would be really funny in bed), Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp (why not?). Subject to change.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
I have three recitals and a Verdi Requiem to go to. My friend's mother is driving in tonight from up North, and a group of us is supposed to have dinner. Hopefully Mark will be able to make it.
And that's it. Yesterday was a crappy day for several reasons, but I'm trying to transcend that. Singing is frustrating right now because I have a $hitload of neck tension. Well, I think I always had it, and I'm just now really noticing how much it affects my singing. I guess that's sort of a good thing, but I'm annoyed about it...
Tuesday, April 13
I feel obligated to post, since I haven't done so in a week, but I really don't have much time. (Slept late--allergies.) The main news is that I found out last week that I didn't get into the certificate program I auditioned for--but I'm not too broken up about that, because it means Mark and I can finally live together! I think some tiny, puritannical part of me doesn't like the idea of "shacking up", but what have we been doing, anyway? I know it'll be a HUGE adjustment--I've never been good at sharing, you know. It's really exciting, though. Anyway, what this means is that I'll be getting a part-time job and will try to start a private studio (unless I can get a job with a private music school, which would be ideal). In the meantime, I keep studying (without the pressures of school to get in the way) and audition like mad in the fall. Plus one of these days I'll have to start planning a wedding, so that'll keep me busy. :)
I'm still a bit freaked about my recital, but things are better than they were. My first dress rehearsal is already next Thursday--scary, but I know I can do this. I just need to, um, DO it.
I'm still a bit freaked about my recital, but things are better than they were. My first dress rehearsal is already next Thursday--scary, but I know I can do this. I just need to, um, DO it.
Tuesday, April 6
From the lovely Helen:
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"...provided the audience with an overview of the development of Brazilian music." From a report on the Tulane University Center for Latin American Studies' 1977-78 Festival of Latin American Music, in Current Musicology 27 (1979). I'm in the library. It's from the stacks.
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Cubicle wall.
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
An episode of The Nanny which featured Jon Stewart as a hot ENT who Fran really hits it off with until she finds out they're cousins. It was a huge coincidence, because I had just been watching The Daily Show, with special guest Jerry Seinfeld. And I realized that I would like to link to the show. So I will.
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Quiet talking, coughing, occasional beeps from the library scanner.
When did you last step outside?
Before I came in here. It's pretty nice out.
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My friend was Googling this particular opera summer program, but instead a German-language Matrix fansite came up. Funny...
What are you wearing?
Blue sweater with bell sleeves and asymmetrical cowl neck, black pants, black socks, Skechers.
Did you dream last night?
Yeah, but I don't remember what it was about...
When did you last laugh?
A few minutes ago, at that goofy Matrix site.
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Clocks, fire alarms, abstract paintings by Miles Davis.
Seen anything weird lately?
That Matrix site was pretty weird. And I saw a guy talking to himself walking down the street before. Not very exciting.
What do you think of this quiz?
I'm glad it's not "What's your favorite food?", etc.
What is the last movie you saw?
Two minutes of one of the Harry Potter movies on HBO. The last thing I've seen all the way through was What a Girl Wants last week.
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
Does paying off my student loans count? :) Probably a house, or a laptop.
Tell me something about you that I don't know:
Yesterday morning I was rubbing my shoulder in the shower, and my hand slipped and I scratched myself really hard. There's a long mark, like I was attacked by a werewolf or had some kinky $ex or something...
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I have to agree with Helen: make sure everyone has something to eat. Mark and I were talking about his undergrad communism class last night...
Do you like to dance?
Yes, but I'm not particularly talented.
George Bush:
Indictment. Him and the rest of them. And I hope they someday realize how much they've damaged our society, and repent for it.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Annabelle, I think.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Jonathan or Andrew.
Would you ever consider living abroad?
The more people I talk to, the more I understand that I'll probably have to move to Germany if I really want to have a big career. Granted, I don't know if I really want a big career, but whatever.
I'm just going through some crap right now. Somehow I've developed this horrible, self-defeating performance anxiety. Well, it's anxiety in general. And it's really affecting my singing as well as my health. My teacher is now convinced that it's a chemical imbalance, and I might just think so, too. How many chemically stable people had panic attacks as children? I had them all the time. Everyone had temper tantrums, but mine were always grand mal, happened relatively frequently and were usually accompanied by hyperventilating. I need fundamental changes in my life, and nothing I've tried to do alone or in therapy has ever helped. If I'm happy, it's because things are going well and I've momentarily forgotten about the next deadline or event or four-hour drive in the dark. Maybe Zoloft and BuSpar didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean something else won't. I hate the fact that I might need to rely on medicine, but it doesn't seem like anything else is working. The issue is that I don't have insurance right now--and if I can't afford to pay a doctor, I certainly can't afford individual insurance premiums that are over $100 and high copays. After consulting with my favorite singer forum, I bought some 5-HTP last night... I still want to e-mail the campus vocal health expert (I wanted to be scoped again anyway) to see if she has any ideas for things that won't affect my folds, but in the meantime it's worth a shot. Anyway, I'm sorry to bring everybody down, but what else do I have to talk about?
Oh, by the way, no precious--he says he's still getting the money together, which makes me worry that he's buying something "investment quality". Doesn't he know how bad I am with losing jewelry? But it'll only be a few weeks, in any case. He gave me a heart-shaped necklace with both our initials on it. Very high-school and very sweet. Just when I was feeling really OLD...
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"...provided the audience with an overview of the development of Brazilian music." From a report on the Tulane University Center for Latin American Studies' 1977-78 Festival of Latin American Music, in Current Musicology 27 (1979). I'm in the library. It's from the stacks.
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Cubicle wall.
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
An episode of The Nanny which featured Jon Stewart as a hot ENT who Fran really hits it off with until she finds out they're cousins. It was a huge coincidence, because I had just been watching The Daily Show, with special guest Jerry Seinfeld. And I realized that I would like to link to the show. So I will.
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Quiet talking, coughing, occasional beeps from the library scanner.
When did you last step outside?
Before I came in here. It's pretty nice out.
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My friend was Googling this particular opera summer program, but instead a German-language Matrix fansite came up. Funny...
What are you wearing?
Blue sweater with bell sleeves and asymmetrical cowl neck, black pants, black socks, Skechers.
Did you dream last night?
Yeah, but I don't remember what it was about...
When did you last laugh?
A few minutes ago, at that goofy Matrix site.
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Clocks, fire alarms, abstract paintings by Miles Davis.
Seen anything weird lately?
That Matrix site was pretty weird. And I saw a guy talking to himself walking down the street before. Not very exciting.
What do you think of this quiz?
I'm glad it's not "What's your favorite food?", etc.
What is the last movie you saw?
Two minutes of one of the Harry Potter movies on HBO. The last thing I've seen all the way through was What a Girl Wants last week.
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
Does paying off my student loans count? :) Probably a house, or a laptop.
Tell me something about you that I don't know:
Yesterday morning I was rubbing my shoulder in the shower, and my hand slipped and I scratched myself really hard. There's a long mark, like I was attacked by a werewolf or had some kinky $ex or something...
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I have to agree with Helen: make sure everyone has something to eat. Mark and I were talking about his undergrad communism class last night...
Do you like to dance?
Yes, but I'm not particularly talented.
George Bush:
Indictment. Him and the rest of them. And I hope they someday realize how much they've damaged our society, and repent for it.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Annabelle, I think.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Jonathan or Andrew.
Would you ever consider living abroad?
The more people I talk to, the more I understand that I'll probably have to move to Germany if I really want to have a big career. Granted, I don't know if I really want a big career, but whatever.
I'm just going through some crap right now. Somehow I've developed this horrible, self-defeating performance anxiety. Well, it's anxiety in general. And it's really affecting my singing as well as my health. My teacher is now convinced that it's a chemical imbalance, and I might just think so, too. How many chemically stable people had panic attacks as children? I had them all the time. Everyone had temper tantrums, but mine were always grand mal, happened relatively frequently and were usually accompanied by hyperventilating. I need fundamental changes in my life, and nothing I've tried to do alone or in therapy has ever helped. If I'm happy, it's because things are going well and I've momentarily forgotten about the next deadline or event or four-hour drive in the dark. Maybe Zoloft and BuSpar didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean something else won't. I hate the fact that I might need to rely on medicine, but it doesn't seem like anything else is working. The issue is that I don't have insurance right now--and if I can't afford to pay a doctor, I certainly can't afford individual insurance premiums that are over $100 and high copays. After consulting with my favorite singer forum, I bought some 5-HTP last night... I still want to e-mail the campus vocal health expert (I wanted to be scoped again anyway) to see if she has any ideas for things that won't affect my folds, but in the meantime it's worth a shot. Anyway, I'm sorry to bring everybody down, but what else do I have to talk about?
Oh, by the way, no precious--he says he's still getting the money together, which makes me worry that he's buying something "investment quality". Doesn't he know how bad I am with losing jewelry? But it'll only be a few weeks, in any case. He gave me a heart-shaped necklace with both our initials on it. Very high-school and very sweet. Just when I was feeling really OLD...
Monday, April 5
Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™
Your entry is as follows:
Today was really difficult.
I got out of bed really late because I've been so tired.
I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.
I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.
Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.
I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!
I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)
I want to say thanks to the academy for giving me this award.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, just like my mom.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
For real now: this has been a challenging few days. I'll update here when I feel like I can put things into some perspective...
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.
Created with the Gregors's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Your entry is as follows:
Today was really difficult.
I got out of bed really late because I've been so tired.
I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.
I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.
Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.
I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!
I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)
I want to say thanks to the academy for giving me this award.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, just like my mom.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
For real now: this has been a challenging few days. I'll update here when I feel like I can put things into some perspective...
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.
Created with the Gregors's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Friday, April 2
Tuesday, March 30
I was listening to NOT A PRETTY GIRL this weekend, and I forgot how much I like this song...
Light Of Some Kind
I wish I didn't have this nervous laugh
I wish I didn't say half the stuff I say
I wish I could just learn to cover my tracks
I guess I'm not concerned with getting away
'Cause every time I try to hold my tongue
It slips like a fish from a line
They say if you wanna play you should learn how to play dumb
I guess I can't bring myself to waste your time
'Cause we both know what I've been doing
I've been intentionally bad at lying
You're the only boy I ever let see through me
And I hope you believe me when I say I'm trying
And I hope I never improve my game
I would rather have these things weigh on my mind
'Cause at the end of this tunnel of guilt and shame
There must be a light of some kind
There must be a light of some kind
I must have blown a fuse or something
It was so dark in my mind
She came up to me with the sweetest face
And she was holding a light of some kind
And I still think of you as my boyfriend
I don't think this is the end of the world
But maybe you should follow my example
And go meet yourself a really nice girl...
In the end the whole world comes down to just a few people
But for you it comes down to one
But no one ever asked me if I thought I could be
Everything to someone
There's a crowd of people harbored in every person
There are so many roles that we play
And you've decided to love me for eternity
I'm still deciding who I want to be today...
A quiz from Erik:
This morning I watched this movie because it was yucky out and also because the luscious Colin Firth is in it. You know you're getting old when you watch teen movies because you think the FATHER is hot... ;)
And speaking of movies with hot people in it, last night I watched The Haunting, which was kind of scary, kind of goofy, but featured a bisexual Catherine Zeta-Jones wandering scantily-clad through a castle. And she makes a CITIZEN KANE reference. She even comes on to Lili Taylor...who proves herself to be completely INSANE by getting scared by it. There is no sane reason why ANYONE, gay or straight, male or female, would EVER in real life kick Catherine Zeta-Jones out of their bed. I mean, there's suspension of disbelief, but PLEASE... :)
...And this was a blog containing no original content.
Light Of Some Kind
I wish I didn't have this nervous laugh
I wish I didn't say half the stuff I say
I wish I could just learn to cover my tracks
I guess I'm not concerned with getting away
'Cause every time I try to hold my tongue
It slips like a fish from a line
They say if you wanna play you should learn how to play dumb
I guess I can't bring myself to waste your time
'Cause we both know what I've been doing
I've been intentionally bad at lying
You're the only boy I ever let see through me
And I hope you believe me when I say I'm trying
And I hope I never improve my game
I would rather have these things weigh on my mind
'Cause at the end of this tunnel of guilt and shame
There must be a light of some kind
There must be a light of some kind
I must have blown a fuse or something
It was so dark in my mind
She came up to me with the sweetest face
And she was holding a light of some kind
And I still think of you as my boyfriend
I don't think this is the end of the world
But maybe you should follow my example
And go meet yourself a really nice girl...
In the end the whole world comes down to just a few people
But for you it comes down to one
But no one ever asked me if I thought I could be
Everything to someone
There's a crowd of people harbored in every person
There are so many roles that we play
And you've decided to love me for eternity
I'm still deciding who I want to be today...
A quiz from Erik:
| Which poem are you? Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda Aw, you're a romantic. You believe in true love and all that sort of stuff. How cute are you? To you, love is incredible and amazing.
|
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
This morning I watched this movie because it was yucky out and also because the luscious Colin Firth is in it. You know you're getting old when you watch teen movies because you think the FATHER is hot... ;)
And speaking of movies with hot people in it, last night I watched The Haunting, which was kind of scary, kind of goofy, but featured a bisexual Catherine Zeta-Jones wandering scantily-clad through a castle. And she makes a CITIZEN KANE reference. She even comes on to Lili Taylor...who proves herself to be completely INSANE by getting scared by it. There is no sane reason why ANYONE, gay or straight, male or female, would EVER in real life kick Catherine Zeta-Jones out of their bed. I mean, there's suspension of disbelief, but PLEASE... :)
...And this was a blog containing no original content.
Friday, March 26
I should have updated before now, but I've been busy working on music and my program and stuff. And I do have to leave in 20 minutes, so I'll be brief:
I haven't heard anything definite about my comps yet--although my voice teacher said she was really impressed. In fact, she considers it proof that I'm "one of those freaky-smart people". In case you didn't already know. :P So I guess she's going to pass me.
This afternoon I had lunch with E., and then we went to this consignment store where I purchased the most amazing item: a plastic hanger with a huge picture of Tom Selleck's head on it (a la Magnum, P.I.). It cost four dollars, but it was worth it. It's in mint condition.
B.J.'s already at my parents' house, and he's driving up to Mark's tomorrow. We're going to the state art museum and then we'll have dinner somewhere. I'm really curious about this girlfriend. I'm sure she's nice... Oh, yeah, and did you know, Helen, that he's living with your brother and Rich M. and his girlfriend? I did not.
Last note: I only have about a week before I find out about that certificate program I applied for... I really, REALLY want this. But I know that it's a real long shot. I'm trying to stay positive, but not get my hopes up too high at the same time. Difficult... If I don't get in, there's this opera outreach program in Charlotte I'm interested in. It's for about five months in the fall and spring. That would also be a great experience. Mark seems increasingly more convinced that we need to live together. He is quite willing to change jobs. I guess I always thought he wanted to stay with his company, but he keeps telling me that the only way for him to advance is to move to other papers. Honestly, I think he's kind of frustrated with his editor, so he might welcome the change. I really think he ought to stay on through the election, but that's just me. And I'm pretty sure he will. But it's still pretty sweet that he wants us to live together. Though I don't think he's thought much about the logistics--last night I asked him where I would put my clothes, and he seemed pretty resistant to sharing his (HUGE) closet. Well now, he'll have to deal with that... :)
I haven't heard anything definite about my comps yet--although my voice teacher said she was really impressed. In fact, she considers it proof that I'm "one of those freaky-smart people". In case you didn't already know. :P So I guess she's going to pass me.
This afternoon I had lunch with E., and then we went to this consignment store where I purchased the most amazing item: a plastic hanger with a huge picture of Tom Selleck's head on it (a la Magnum, P.I.). It cost four dollars, but it was worth it. It's in mint condition.
B.J.'s already at my parents' house, and he's driving up to Mark's tomorrow. We're going to the state art museum and then we'll have dinner somewhere. I'm really curious about this girlfriend. I'm sure she's nice... Oh, yeah, and did you know, Helen, that he's living with your brother and Rich M. and his girlfriend? I did not.
Last note: I only have about a week before I find out about that certificate program I applied for... I really, REALLY want this. But I know that it's a real long shot. I'm trying to stay positive, but not get my hopes up too high at the same time. Difficult... If I don't get in, there's this opera outreach program in Charlotte I'm interested in. It's for about five months in the fall and spring. That would also be a great experience. Mark seems increasingly more convinced that we need to live together. He is quite willing to change jobs. I guess I always thought he wanted to stay with his company, but he keeps telling me that the only way for him to advance is to move to other papers. Honestly, I think he's kind of frustrated with his editor, so he might welcome the change. I really think he ought to stay on through the election, but that's just me. And I'm pretty sure he will. But it's still pretty sweet that he wants us to live together. Though I don't think he's thought much about the logistics--last night I asked him where I would put my clothes, and he seemed pretty resistant to sharing his (HUGE) closet. Well now, he'll have to deal with that... :)
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