The time since I last posted has probably been the most traumatic and the most difficult in my life, but I think it was worth it:
Rosina Jane was born May 14, 2011 at 1:34 P.M. At 31 weeks gestation, she weighed 2 pounds 6 ounces and was 15 inches long. (tl;dr: non-gory birth story follows; everyone is fine.)
It all happened very, very quickly. After the swollen-foot post of April 30, I woke up the following Tuesday (May 4) with a face so puffy I didn't recognize myself. I got a doctor's appointment for that afternoon, and I had gained 13 pounds since my last appointment the previous Tuesday, plus my blood pressure was a bit high. There was some question about us going to the baby shower, but the baby did fine on the non-stress test, and after an appointment that Thursday (5/6) with similar results I was allowed to go, but had to do a 24-hour urine collection (fun) the following Tuesday (5/10), the same day as my next appointment. We did make it up there, but the trip was absolutely crazy and I was a complete zombie most of the time (which should've been a clue). My blood pressure was higher at the next appointment, and the doctor was rather worried, but sent me away asking me to keep an eye on it, and said we'd know more when the urine test results came in at the next appointment (Thursday 5/12). The next day (5/11) I checked my blood pressure while out running a bunch of errands, and it was really high (cue the first freakout of too many to count--I packed a bag for the hospital, but ended up partially unpacking it), so the doctor on call told me to go on bed rest. It wasn't for long, though, because the next day at my appointment the scary results of my urine test were in, and my blood pressure was still high--so I was on my way to the hospital. Cue Freakout #2, and repack that bag... Thank goodness Mark was able to make it to that appointment. There were some logistical issues regarding getting my car home, but he was able to figure it out--and off we were to the birthing center.

The next 48 hours or so are a blur of bad news and Ativan and overnight fetal monitoring... In a blindingly short time we went from bed rest of indeterminate length (but you will be in that bed until the baby's born) to the baby's small and needs to be born this weekend (but we'll see if she can tolerate labor) to you're having a C-section, like in the next hour. Each time a doctor came in, they had progressively more frightening things to say. But in hindsight, even though nothing went the way we wanted or planned, it went as well as it could have. The operation was so, so scary, and the spinal block insertion (yes, I did want a natural childbirth) hurt more than anything I'd ever experienced... but it worked, with no after effects. And my scar is weird--I've never had surgery before--but it's not too bad, and I recuperated pretty quickly. (I still have some numb spots, which may never come back, and it's a bit sore if I touch the area or attempt to exercise much, but I'm in better shape than most, apparently.) My mother came down for my first full week out of the hospital to help out, but I was managing pretty well so she had my father come pick her up after four days. (My father already had a golf trip planned for the weekend of May 14, so my mother was actually in the hospital with us when I delivered. She was on her best behavior, happily, though since then that has not always been the case!) I checked out of the hospital on May 17, but checked back in on the 19th. I was feeling really, really tired, and I had heard about people for whom delivery did not cure preeclampsia...so I checked my blood pressure, and it was super high. Off we went to the ER in our city, where the shit totally hit the fan--at one point my blood pressure was 215 over 100+, I was really scared, and there was what I will refer to as a "vigorous catheterization" (I do not recommend it)--and I went back over to the birthing center in an ambulance. As they were wheeling me through the ward, I actually waved to the nurses and said, "I'm back!", since I knew like, two-thirds of them. I spent 24 hours on a magnesium sulfate drip (aka HELL), then took my trusty wheelchair down the hall to visit the baby. I was discharged that Saturday, but I'm still on blood pressure medication; I'll need to get checked out again by my regular doctor in another month or so.

But that's me; you want to hear about the baby! That Friday, while we were in between visits from the ultrasound tech and the doctor, we decided to pick out a name. I'd had this particular name in mind for a while--my great-grandmother's name, with Mark's mother's name for the middle name--and Mark agreed right away. For obvious reasons, it was important to me that she not have a common name. ;) The first time I saw her was in the OR, just before they took her out of the room. All I had time to say was, "She's so tiny!", and she was gone. And she really was tiny. I'd never seen a baby so tiny. Well, truthfully, I'd never seen a baby that
skinny. Indescribably skinny. (She's about two weeks old in that top picture--she looked way more like
Mr. Bigglesworth when she was born...) Mark was able to go see her when I went to recovery (he was with me the whole time, except for the initial prep time in the OR; of course, I could've used him right then...), and he actually had pretty positive news from the doctors. She was really small, but didn't seem to have any other problems. And that's been the case the whole time. She was on a CPAP on room air (so no oxygen) for less than two days, and had two rounds of photo-treatment for jaundice (and man, did she hate wearing those bili-goggles!), and that has been IT. Minimal dips in her breathing and heart rate, no trouble holding her temperature, no problems sucking or tolerating her feeds, no big reflux issues, no eye issues so far... She did rip out her IV quite a few times in the nine or ten days she had one, and she rips out her feeding tube about every other day, but otherwise she is very low-maintenance. One nurse called her "the most boring baby in the NICU"--which is what you want to be in the NICU. Since the beginning all she has needed to do is gain weight, and she's done quite well at that... It hasn't been easy, and it still isn't. All we want to do is bring her home, so we can get our lives started! The only step she still has to pass is to be able to take all her feedings by mouth; then the feeding tube can come out for good, we room in with her at the hospital overnight, and we're literally home free. It will be a few more days, but the end is in sight.

The whole experience has been so opposite what we expected and wanted (of course), but I think we're going to make it after all. (The other day I sang
The Mary Tyler Moore Show to Rosina.) The main thing right now is that neither of us are getting enough sleep. I am pumping around the clock, which unfortunately is not going that well, and I take it way too personally (and yes, I've tried all the usual things--it's just not normal to use a machine all the time instead of a baby, so I'm hoping my supply will perk up once she comes home). I also tried to start working from home a few hours a day, only three weeks after the C-section--a
bad idea that only lasted a few weeks. That along with the general hospital hassle and the stress of the situation, and well, it's sometimes a day-by-day thing for me. But it does get better every day. And Mark has been his usual fantastic, reliable self--I'd never have been able to make it through without him. (Without him there wouldn't
be a baby, of course.)
All this is to say that, while in some ways I feel like a completely different person than I was two months ago, I'm really the same... I just spend my time in different ways, I guess. (It's already been taking me so long to get simple things done, I can't imagine what it will be like once she's home...) I certainly have a lot less time on the computer at the moment, which in some ways is a good thing, but I do hope to keep blogging on a relatively regular basis. Obviously I'm not doing any singing, and the crafting is going extremely slowly, but I'm sure I'll think of things to write about!